I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
