I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just want to make out with him forever
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
