Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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