dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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