I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
