It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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