I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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