I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
