You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
