ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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