Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
