The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
