If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize