Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
