You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
