mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
