I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
