She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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