There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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