Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
