There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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