what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
