sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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