if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
