you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you had me at cake vodka
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
