so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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