Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
