If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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