it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
