We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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