Just fell off a train. Bad.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
