I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish I only lived at night.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
