we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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