this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
