You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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