i permit you to call me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
