So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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