Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Too much gin, very little bucket
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
