a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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