The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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