I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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