Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
