My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
