You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
