hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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