So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
