you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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