you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
