doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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