just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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