but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
