is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
