I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
